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Cheating wife

I really need advice from you.

I've been with my husband around 6 years together, and 3 of them married. I really love him and he's a wonderful husband, treats me right and always worry about me. This is the thing, during our relationship he almost cheated on me with his ex (even tho feeled/still feel like he cheated), I found out about 3-6 months later by mistake, he lied and made 3 different stories (still don't know which one was the truth) and since that I feel like I sometimes I just can't see love the same way. I don't know why.

After we got married and I started a new job, I started cheating him... it's not like I'm attached to anyone, I just have sex and its the end of it, I don't want more from anyone.

I know that sounds really horrible and I'm almost sure that I'm not the first neither the last who have done that, but I really want to stop.

The worst part is that he caught me with the last guy and he forgave me, but that last guy really got into me, he want me to move with him but at the end I always go back with my husband. Its doesn't matter if I feel something for him, its like I don't want to leave my husband but it really hurts leaving the other guy who is 2 too good with me. I cut everything with the last guy, blocked him from everything so he/I can't reach each other.

ADVICE, I NEED ADVICE!

Its really hard to think straight when you have so much in your head and heart and you want to really found something to do that its good for myself and not to hurt anyone anymore.

PS I don't need anyone to judge me, actually, I feel like I already did that part to myself...

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