Just so done.

Sarah • TTC since April 2016. MMC #1 Sept `16 MMC #2 Jan `17 Ectopic and Tube Removed Nov ‘17
'It'll be better when you go back to work' they said. 'You'll get out of your own head, and be able to think about something else' they said. 'Keep your mind off it' 
Well after 5 weeks off I've been back at work for 5 days now (2 day shifts, 3 night shifts) and it's 100% worse.
You know what else I've worked out, I'm the statistic. 'One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage', well, there are currently 7 people pregnant at work (4 on mat leave). So if you add me to the 7, I'm the statistic. One in four, with me there's 8. I'm the 2 in 8. 
Why me? Why does this keep happening? 
And with everyone and their dog(!) being pregnant around here it's all anyone can talk about. All. The. Time. 
I'm about one more night shift away from pulling my ears off or killing myself. I honestly don't know which I'd love more and they both sound so effing appealing right now.