Heartbreak.
Yesterday was probably the worst day I've had.. ever. This time last week I was so happy and excited. Our lives were going to change again. We we're now going to be a family of 4, my little one was going to get a best friend in October 2017. I was researching healthy workouts for 1st trimester pregnancies the morning it happened. I was DETERMINED to have a healthier pregnancy this time around. Knowing now that pregnancy can put a toll on our bodies as mothers.
I went through so many emotions yesterday I thought I was going crazy.. when I initially saw light pink blood on the toilet paper.. I was in panic mode. I called my Dr. wanting to hear them say it was normal and everything was going to be ok.. at the time we thought it was normal spotting.. then as the morning went on, it got worse. Blood was getting brighter and more of it. I still thought if I would just lay down and relax it was going to all be ok. It wasn't. More blood started coming. At that point I called my Dr. office again and let the really nice and caring nurse know that more blooding was coming.. still hoping and wishing her words would be positive. I could tell by her tone that she was starting to talk more like a nurse. As she starts explaining the process that was about to happen to me, I all hit me. I'm having a miscarriage. What? Why? Not me? Never! Then I started trying to figure out what I did wrong. Maybe I should've given up coffee all together. Maybe I worked out too hard. Maybe it was what I ate yesterday.
I don't know if I ever will know why my baby didn't want to continue to grow. I know God does things for a reason and sometimes we don't understand. I am hurt, sad, and heartbroken. I can get through this. I know I can.
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