My husband and I have been going through a lot lately. We have been married for 2 years this July, so in my mind we are still "newly weds" in a way. My husband is in the AirForce and this past July he had to have open heart surgery to correct a heart defect that he was born with. Yes, a lot of people ask how it went in detected for almost 26 years of his life, but the only answer we can say is that since he was a very active person and it was very hard for even the surgeons to pinpoint how they should have caught it sooner. So, after the surgery we thought maybe he can resume his career and we won't have anymore unessisary stress in our lives. 

Oh boy, was that though so wrong. Since the surgery my husband has had different "pains" in his lower back and shoulder; which could be because of his job in the military or because of the surgery. But after countless Drs appointments we have gotten some good news. We won't have to go back and have to go through another surgery. But my husband has a minor leak his in mitral valve, this is preventing him from being deployable in the military. Since he was wanting this to be a career this is another curve ball. He is now on med board which means that he will either be medically discharged or medically retired. Hello, more stress! 

I will admit, I look at the possibility of going home being a happy thing. Being around family and friends, this makes me happy. However, the thoughts of where are we going to live, where am I going to work, does this mean starting a family next year is going to be put off for another year or two? What is my husband going to do for work? What about insurance. The questions and worry for me keep going and growing even with prayer and discussing this with my family. Of course I know we will have support from my family, but I know that my husband doesn't want to rely on anyone to help us because he feels in a way that shows weakness. 

So, as of right now he is going through the motions of appointments and work and I myself am working full time at a local pharmacy as a tech. But as of lately the stress of working and taking care of the house with less help from my husband because of everything going on, I feel like I need to talk to my manager about possibly only working 4 days a week. This way I will still be full time and make enough money to pay my student loan and car insurance and help with other stuff while saving (which is my biggest priority right now). 

But I really, really need to talk to someone to about everything that won't be harsh and be understanding. My husband just wants me to be "normal". 

As of right now, I have been okay to manage my anxiety with a low dose of lexapro (which has been perfect since last year). But now I feel like I need to take twice as much, sleep more often, try to prevent myself from breaking down during my work day. In the long run, I just want to do what's best for my health, my marriage and my husband.