This is from a site about suicide survivors.

"Let's face it, if a person really wants to kill himself or herself, it's not difficult. There are proven methods. Failed attempts are not really failures; they are generally indicative of the person's indecisiveness.”

I'm a female, 18. I am a CNA and going on for RN and Nurse Practioner. I have college in fall. I was raped when I was 15 at my 16th birthday party by my then boyfriend. He raped and assaulted me for 2 years before hand. He was my first boyfriend and I didn't know what to do, my little self thought it was love. (Yes I reported him, no he didn't get one day in jail). He admitted to everything though.

I knew I had a healthy future of learning and becoming a RN, but on the night of January 28, 2016 I suddenly put my suicidal thoughts into action. I saved up my antidepressant medication (I'm on one kind) in the summer to attempt then, but didn't, and so I had it all saved up. I thought, "Hah, Emma, you would never have the guts to go through with it. What a joke." And then on that chilly, January night at 8:40 pm, I shook the full pill contains into my mouth and with some water down they went. I remember sending one of my best friends a message saying how much I love her and thanking her for being such a wonderful friend in my life. I went to my grandmother's funeral the following morning and remember telling my parents that I felt sick, so I went to the bathroom. I took a mirror selfie and searched "Overdose pills puke". I remember the EMT telling me to stay awake, telling the hospital that I overdosed on my antidepressants and telling the doctor if he could please print off my CT scans to keep. Out of the 13 days in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit ) that is all I remember.

I understand that a huge amount of people attempt may do it just try a little bit so they don't actually die.

But was it abnormal for me to actually full heartedly try to kill myself?

In my conscience, I guess I actually had a tiny piece of me that wanted to live since I told the nurses what I did. I actually don't remember admitting to them that I overdosed, but it was on the paperwork that I said it.

I was brought back to life, unconscious, intubated, hooked up to monitors 24 hours, had 4 different CT scans, 6 seizures, passed out in the bathroom at hit my head full force on the tile floor, inhaled/got food in my lungs, and couldn't breathe.

If it weren't for medical personal (I am not religious so keep that out of this) I know I wouldn't be alive today.

But I practically "should've" died from my overdose.

I look back at it now and I still can't understand how my mind was so set on dying.

Why did I survive this..?

It is so difficult to wrap my mind around... I should be dead right now, but somehow my body just kept on fighting and didn't give up.

Multiple doctors and nurses told my parents that I should be dead with the overdose. This doctor that worked at in the ICU for 35 years told them he has never seen someone come out alive after that big of overdose.

What do you think?

Why would I be the slim % that survived my serious overdose attempt?