Just about 27 weeks pregnant and, after a long couple weeks, the father and i are starting the divorce process.

Its been really stressful and overwhelming. And painful.

He tried initially to blame his unhappiness (that he hid from me for months) on me. It was not my fault that he let the stress over work take over and keep him from talking to me. I tried.

He fell out of love with me, and cheated. He made a fully conscious decision to cheat, and start a sort of relationship with this other woman who has a young son, and was fully aware that he was married and expecting a child.

After he told me that he needed to think if he wanted to keep the marriage, i asked him if there was someone else and he consistently told me no, that he was faithful. He asked for space, but no, i didnt grant him the amount of space he wanted because he was ignoring important text messages and being very suspicious while staying at a friends house to work through this. I had to find his texts with her through verizon to find out he has been cheating.

I am a good wife, i would admit if i had done anything that contributed to our marriage failing. But he was the one keeping things from me and making decisions to put himself in the position to cheat, and then lying to my face repeatedly.

We got to a point where we could talk and civilly decide what is best for our daughter in this divorce and plan to fill out paperwork together tomorrow. Before he left, telling me that he wasn't staying at her house or doing anything that would disrespect our marriage until we at least got to talk again tomorrow more, he also told me to text him or call him for anything. In exchange he asked me to respect his privacy from now on and stop monitoring his text messages. That we want open and easy communication. I texted him with a question about the "truth" he told me of with what happened to our marriage and he ignored me. I waited hours for a response. Of any kind. Even a short, we will talk tomorrow, would have been fine. I couldnt take it, so around 1:30am i looked back at his texts again. He was texting others but not me. Even at that time of night. So i sent him another saying that he was already breaking promises and disrespecting our agreement, and asked how he could hold expectations of me. And i read that he was staying at her house again.

I get that we are getting divorced, that we aren't together anymore, but he is still my husband at the moment and still this baby's father. He wants civil and open communication between him and i for her sake. He just keeps lying and disrespecting agreements. He was the one who refused to let me see any change, the one who cheated, lied, didnt want to try to work it our for our baby, even though he said he still loves me and cares about me, and that none of this is my fault. He was the one who did all of this and made it such a mess. We come to mutual agreements and he throws them out as he walks out the door. How can i expect our relationship to be after the divorce is complete? After our daughter is here?

And he keeps trying to play on my emotions. Telling me that he still finds me attractive, that he still loves me (not INlove, but love nonetheless) and that he worries about me. He told me that the first time they had sex it was hard for him to stay erect because of me. Because he knew he was cheating, and because im the only woman he's been with for the past nearly 4 years. I know he's saying these things to toy with me. And is telling others half truths about what happened with us so that i get blamed.... why is he doing all of these conflicting things? How does he expect us to communicate and be able to work together for her sake when he keeps proving to me that he lacks the respect for me even in small things, that he can lie to my face... but is telling others its me who was struggling to be civil. Im asking for honesty and respect, i deserve that much from him right now with everything he has done.

Sorry for such a long post. If you made it through, thank you for reading. Any advice is welcome. Single mom-hood, here i come.