So I’m a believer that each person in the household should have their own set of chores.

This could also fall under the category of “Gender Roles” which my husband and I were on the same page about.

We aren’t in our house yet, just a temporary living situation that is messy and nasty unfortunately. I work less than my husband but I still work a full time job that is draining to me. His job is blue collar and very hard, but we are each choosing to work at this time and it’s beneficial to have the money coming in from each of us.

Our house is a pigsty… I know it’s time for bugs in the area where I live but I found a giant roach while I was just starting to clean on my day off today. I obviously hid in the room because I HATE roaches… my husband comes home for a quick lunch, which is a first, and asks me to heat up left overs for him. Well the roach is in the kitchen sink so I tell him I can’t go in there, like no way….

He makes a comment about how he’s going to have to get the bug later and it could be anywhere and he will end up having to clean alllll of the mess himself anyways. Then I say you’re being kind of mean because I started to clean until I found the roach and there are some chores I am having to do that are his that he only halfway did so why is he complaining?!? Like his job is to take out the trash, he gathers most of it (or is supposed to) and he should take it to the dumpster. He even says “don’t touch it” as it’s a mountain in each trash bin and even a pile of bags waiting by our fence… soooo obviously it ends up being me gathering it. We don’t have dishes due to the temporary living situation but the sink has trash in it, the two big trash cans in our house are way over filled and the floor is not swept. I do not believe at all that the whole house being a mess is my problem, he lives here too. When I didn’t work in 2020, the house stayed spotless, all I did was clean because I didn’t have a job to go to and he didn’t have to lift a finger in the house. Also, most of the time I find myself getting groceries alone too, I don’t feel like that should just be my responsibility either. I don’t mind going to the store but I deal with a lot of anxiety and paranoia so leaving the house scares me in general (considering therapy for this of course) but it’s something he is not very understanding about. Not just house stuff, even vehicle maintenance is being neglected and he all of a sudden thinks I should be airing up the tires and taking the truck for maintenance. Ummm not what we agreed to. His dad overheard him asking me to get air in the tire and then take it to get a new one the next day, after I said it is super flat (easy task I know) and I said that has never been my responsibility in this relationship, he said yeah okay. Apparently his dad said “I thought you wanted your wife to be feminine, so why have her do the masculine work.” That is exactly how we began our marriage, with specific roles. If I was single, all of that would be my responsibility, but we had an agreement.

I needed to rant somewhere and we will be communicating about this of course lol.

Edit: So far everyone in the comments has been incredibly rude and insensitive. I am being vulnerable (anonymously for reason) and my husband and I are being called idiots. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows and messes happen. A waterbug/roach is not uncommon in the country, where I live. We both have a lot of responsibilities outside of our home, that’s why having chores and direction on where and what to clean and do in the house is very important. Any of you would know that if you’ve ever been to a relationship/marriage course before marriage. I have been with this man for 10 years, we like structure, so when it falls behind a little bit, I rant online anonymously in a space I thought was safe. Would you speak that way to one of your girlfriends? I really hope not because I wouldn’t want to hang out with people who are so insensitive.

Update: Thank you to the people who commented that aren’t being incredibly rude. I spoke with my husband about it and he looked at the house after I picked up everything which didn’t take long, it’s not perfect but it’s much better, he doesn’t see evidence of any roaches like eggs or anything and he got what he said was a waterbug. Either way, gross. There are some gnats around my little plants but nothing else that we know. I believe the house work should be done by us both and he thinks just me now which is just something that we need to dig into. I am doing a deep clean after work this weekend and he says he will not make clutter. We have dealt with this off and on for a decade just like every couple deals with things. We both thrive with structure but mental health has been wild in our household and the messes came back after his mom passed away a month ago. I don’t believe being rude was necessary since we are all grown and I was just trying to be honest about a situation, maybe someone else is dealing with this too? I definitely would be nice to that person because you never know what’s actually going on. And every person who had something rude to say, I wonder if your house ever gets dirty? It must not.

Another edit because the hate comments are wild: Y’all have never seen my home, only what I have described. I love a clean space, so obviously me pointing out that it got dirty and acknowledging that it is an issue is a positive thing. I picked up the trash, my husband took it out, and it feels a lot better. My husband and I are ex addicts so we aren’t strangers to messy places and know it comes from a place of mental illness, both of our moms were messy when they were addicted and it ended up killing both of them. So we have a good guideline on what not to do. However, we are human and backsliding is something that happens. Again, thank you to the people who gave enlightenment and meaningful comments because y’all did not jump to conclusions about my life. Today is our 8 year wedding anniversary (together for 10) and we were so happy to wake up in a cleaner environment since the past months has been hard mentally. Call us lazy, call us disgusting, but we are human that fully acknowledged that we needed change. The hate comments aren’t necessary of course but if it makes you feel better cyber bullying at your grown age, by all means please do it here instead of to someone else. :) I post on here because I don’t have a female community to run to when I feel like I need help or to rant. It’s rare to have a girls girl on here anymore. Sharing that you disagree with someone doesn’t have to be hateful, try being gentle, I promise it feels a lot better and makes you feel so much lighter than all the hateful energy you’re holding onto and casting onto others. Y’all think having a messy house sometimes is bad? I promise being messy on the inside, as a human being, is much worse.

Rant!